My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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