Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
