and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
