You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize