You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
