so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
