Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
