I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
