U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
