I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
