That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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