is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she told me i tasted like america
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
