I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
