Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
