if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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