I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
