wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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