oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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