So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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