Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
As shirtless as possible
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
