You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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