My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize