I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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