Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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