I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Let's get the cat blown out
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
