Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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