I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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