Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
