So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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