Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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