Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
