He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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