i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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