I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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