i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
