just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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