do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
