my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
