i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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