Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize