sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
