I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
