oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize