hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
