i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize