im drinking this country out of the recession.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This is my gift to your gina
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
