oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize