dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
