i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just took my morning after pill in the library
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
