I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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