Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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