speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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