people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
