Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
