he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
