You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize