new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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