Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
