I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
