Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
