Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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