When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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