Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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