Where is the hickey?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is the high leading the old right now
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
