this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
