I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
