They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
