yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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